– IF IT’S FATE, HE’S LATE –
Do we live our lives impeccably playing out our fate or is timing simply a bitch. Ever heard the saying ‘it wasn’t meant to be’ – our minds trying to convince us that fate plays an important role.
From the storybooks (Cinderella a personal fave) we assume that Prince Charming will come riding in on a horse in our mid to late twenties just in time for us to have a perfect happily ever after. Fate.
What if I have to have children by the time I’m 35 (biological clock and all that), that means I have to be married by latest 33 and I have to know him at least three years before we wed. So, if I’ve calculated this correctly, Mr.Charming should be arriving on his horse any time now or at least be on his way.
So do we end up with the person written in our stars or is it simply down to timing? In the words of Miranda Hobbs ‘Men are like cabs, when their available their light goes on’, ready to pick up a wife and kids.
There’s so many of us girls dreaming of the perfect fairytale, never giving up that it still exists, that he exists (major eye-roll). But, what if, fate just doesn’t exist. The moment the thought starts to creep into my mind – strategy plays out.
1. He must be older – if he’s younger he’s just not going to be at the same stage in life – waste of time.
2. He must have a steady job as he will never be able to pay the mortgage and still live with his mum – waste of time.
3. He must be tall because let’s face it a lifetime of flats is enough to make anyone suicidal.
4. He must have an appealing postcode to avoid the argument whose parents you live nearest to when the kids are driving you mad.
5. Preferably no previous kids as you don’t want the ex files on the doorstep every Sunday to pick up the rascals.
Suddenly you’re left with relationship anxiety, deleting tinder on the pretence it just doesn’t have enough filters to whittle down the sea of Mr. Wrongs to find Mr. Right. Maybe they were on to something in the olden days with arranged marriages as this seems to be an impossible task.
Do you already know him? You flick through the ex files subconsciously rating them, questioning could they be the one. Surely not, what a waste of years of heartbreak if you knew Mr.Right at 22. Suddenly you’re on a not so normal Facebook binge trying to find a certain ex file that could be a possible candidate, when BINGO – you find him. Him and his perfect family with a vomit worthy profile picture – wife, kids, cat, all in matching attire. The kids are cute though – bullocks.
Whilst doing my weekly shop in the local Tesco I sometimes look at a mum with her kids and husband in tow and want to ask her HOW? How have you managed to keep a man down and pop the kids out whilst you’re at it – superwoman. The closest I’ve got to ever playing out this scenario is adopting my sister’s guinea pig which passed away a week later. RIP Mistzy.
Give me some hope ladies – what’s your thoughts on this?!